I love to read the bridge column in the newspaper. It’s obviously written by a highly philosophical sports announcer who moonlights as a defense attorney slash auctioneer and lives on Neptune. Here are some actual lines from actual bridge columns:
With a positional double stopper in spades and a full opening bid, South’s decision to bid three no trump after North overcalled at the two-level cannot be questioned.
Indeed, it cannot be questioned. This is zen.
Sometimes there may be little to choose among the lines in theory but, practically, one line is clearly superior.
I sense this one is a commentary on presidential elections.
When West follows low, declarer should rise with the king.
This sounds like one of those cold war spy phrases… “When the blue moon wanes, Canadian geese honk.”
The Law of Total Tricks suggests that a four-heart pre-empt might be right, not that it would have affected the final contract.
With all the talk about contracts, their society seems to be almost as litigious as ours.
In many years of reading the utterly incomprehensible bridge column, with all its slang, code words, philosophical ideas, and legalese, I have yet to figure out anything about the game itself. How do you play it? What’s the point? I don’t care. I don’t want to know. The bridge column, to me, is just a way to be entertained by the baffling proceedings of Neptunian parliament for a few moments between Peanuts and Judge Parker.
May your opponent’s no-bid Hearts contract be found turning tricks with the king.
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